At the moment I’m having an awful depressive episode. Last week I was managing ok; work and studying for my psychology exams and walking my dogs every night and functioning almost like a normal person.
But what goes up must come down and I’ve crashed spectacularly. I’m managing to make it to work but that’s about it. I get up like a zombie, my OCD makes me clean the house, I go to work, come home about four pm and then curl up in bed and find it impossible to get up even hours later. It’s that whole sandbags for limbs feeling where you just can’t move, and no matter how much you sleep it’s not enough (except at two am when you’re actually meant to be sleeping) and anyway the only way to escape your head is sleeping because otherwise it’s all suicidal thoughts and dark, angsty “woe is me” stuff.
It’s been such a shitty episode that I saw my Psychologist Wednesday and my Psychiatrist Thursday, who then demanded I come in again Friday as she was “concerned about me”. I’m managing (just) and at the moment the game plan is PRN’s and Netflix and hoping to God I can ride this out without another overdose.
One day at a time, right?
By the way – fuck you, depression 🖕